Be Not Afraid

Posted on by kellybroaddus

Psalm 27:8 has been my “life verse” since I was in high school. “My heart says of you, ‘Seek his face.’ Your face, Lord, I will seek.” To seek his face means to follow what He says, and look for the ways He wants me to go. You can know what He says and the ways you should go through reading/studying His Word, through the Spirit speaking to your heart, and through community with a church body and Christian friends. These are all ways to seek His face.

In high school, this verse meant so much to me as my entire future was still ahead of me. I knew that I just need to seek God and His purposes for me, and I’d be on the right path. All I had to do then, and, in truth, all I still have to do now, is seek Him every day, in every way, and God would set all my priorities in the right order. Then, seeking Him was very black and white to me. There was a clear right and wrong. Now, that’s not always the case. Sometimes it even seems that there are possibly several things that could be “right” or “wrong.” There are still things, though, that are quite clear to me in scripture. There is one God. God, Jesus, and the Spirit are three separate entities and one person all at the same time. Salvation only comes through Jesus. Love others more than yourself. But still some situations are not quite as clear to me. Life gets complicated and confusing. With complication and confusion comes fear.

I have never thought of myself as a fearful person, yet as I think through my struggles over the past few years, fear is at the root. I worry a lot. I think that naturally happens when you are a parent. You worry that you’re not doing a good job, both at home and at work; not wanting one area to cause you to do poorly in the other. You worry that your children will get hurt, physically or emotionally. You worry that you could end up having to do life and parenting alone. I was also worried about my dreams and my husband’s dreams not coming true. I was worried about finances. I was worried about time moving too quickly. Worry is a word we’re all familiar with and deal with on a day to day basis, therefore it becomes benign. Everyone worries, so it’s not that bad. It’s normal. But at the base of “worry” is fear.

My husband and I have been blessed in the last few months with attending a church that speaks truth and actively loves others–both believers and nonbelievers–all at the same time. The truth delivered in sermons lately has put a mirror in front of my face to show me where I have some shifts to make. Over the last two weeks, it’s clear that I have been living in fear. Last night’s sermon was based in Psalm 27. I know verse 8 so well, as I mentioned earlier; it’s been my guiding light for more than 15 years. It seems, though, that I have neglected the verses around it. Here is all of Psalm 27:

The Lord is my light and my salvation —
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When the wicked advance against me
to devour[a] me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.

4 One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.

6 Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.

7 Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.
8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face! ”
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, Lord;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.

13 I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

There is no room for fear. The Lord is my light and my salvation. He guides me and He saves me. He is my stronghold. His ways are eternal. Though things on this earth may weigh me down, they are temporal. Even death is nothing to fear when you have salvation in Christ Jesus. The best is yet to come! Do I truly believe that the Lord has what is best for me? I can answer with an emphatic, “YES!” So, then why would I worry? When my worries consume my thoughts and drive my actions, as they have in recent years, it is sinful. It is fearing man and circumstances more than I trust my God. This was so clearly and rightly stated in the sermon, and it pierced my heart. It woke me up. I will not be afraid any longer. Faith in Jesus drives out fear. I will claim my faith in Him. I will claim my trust in His ways–whether I understand them or not. By immersing myself in scripture and creating space to commune with Jesus, fear will be driven out. This is where the root of joy comes from, and I so desperately need to reconnect with the joy in my salvation. Of whom shall I be afraid? There is no room for fear. I shall not be afraid!

Freedom in Forgiveness

Posted on by kellybroaddus

I thought I knew what forgiveness was. I thought I didn’t harbor hate. I thought I loved everyone. But I was wrong.

Years ago my husband was on staff at a church. Sparing you the details, he was let go in a manner that wounded us deeply and left us feeling betrayed. It was a bitterly painful time, but one I would never change. Through that situation, we experienced provision like you see in Acts. People provided meals, rent, cash, clothes, whatever was needed, and many of those were anonymous and given without even knowing the need. Instead of telling other people’s stories of provision and miracles, I now had my own. There will never be a doubt in my mind going forward that God provides. That’s a powerful, refining experience. I am different for the better on the other side of it.

I enjoyed being able to share the story of God’s provision, and I thought I was doing beautifully with my relationship with Jesus. It was odd, but for the next two years, the story of Joseph kept coming up. It was humorous for a while at the frequency with which I was being reminded of this story. Then it was mentioned in a sermon and later that same week during our small group–I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I’d known the story since I was a child, but for the first time, I began to see it as history, not just a story. Joseph was a real man who had gone through hell experiencing family betrayal, slavery, false accusations, ruined reputation, incarceration, and ultimately was forgotten. All of his misery was caused by his brothers who were insanely jealous of him. Then, he came face to face with his tormenters after God had shown favor on him and placed him in a position of power in Egypt. His brothers didn’t know who he was, but he knew who they were, and the power had shifted. He now held their lives in his hands. They were starving, and he had control of stores of food.

Have you ever really considered what was going through Joseph’s head in this moment? No one would’ve blamed him had he sent his brothers away without helping them. It would have even been considered heroic for him to have given them food and sent them home without revealing who he was. He would have gotten the “feel good” moment for himself. We would have said, “What a picture of forgiveness!” Yet that’s not where the story ends.

Joseph didn’t just provide food for his brothers, he brought them into his land and provided everything for them, their families, and their servants. I am still amazed by verse 5 in the 45th chapter of Genesis, “And [Joseph] said, ‘…And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life.’” He is consoling his brothers! Wouldn’t this be the moment where you would enjoy someone apologizing all over themselves. They should feel badly about what they did! But Joseph showed complete and total forgiveness of his brothers–the ones who tried to kill him, and then sold him into slavery instead. I felt I had experienced betrayal, but that was nothing compared to what Joseph went through.

I realized I was wrongfully–sinfully–harboring unforgiveness in my heart. The reality hit that an unforgiving heart is one who is harboring hatred. Hatred has sting to it. I never thought I hated anybody, but I did have an unforgiving heart, therefore I was harboring hatred. Ouch. As sinful beings we tend to make excuses. When realizing the extent of Joseph’s forgiveness, someone tried to tell me, “but you’ve got to understand that Joseph had years to come to forgiveness.” This is a just another way to excuse ourselves for holding a grudge. I don’t see any evidence of him harboring hatred through these years, though. I especially don’t see Jesus taking time to forgive us. His forgiveness is instantaneous. And he is our model. “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us, as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Ephesians 5:1-2

Complete forgiveness of the person who hurt me brought about a freedom, peace, and joy I hadn’t expected, not to mention a restored friendship. Take steps to experiencing the release and freedom that comes with forgiveness.

This Day: A Reflection on the 10th Anniversary of 9/11

Posted on by kellybroaddus

This day ten years ago started out with such wonder about what was ahead. I had been married a little over a month, and was in the third or fourth week of my first job as a middle school teacher. I was loving life. I had my off periods in the morning, so after sending my homeroom on their way to 1st period, I headed to the teachers lounge. My colleague Cindy was walking up the stairs and said, “Charlie just called and said a plane flew into the World Trade Center.” As I heard her recall what her husband had told her to my principal also adding, “You know who did this. You know it was Bin Laden,” I was struggling as a young person just new to adulthood to place all the details she had just said. The World Trade Center is in New York, right? Who is Bin Laden? Why would he do this? Surely, it’s just  a pilot who got mixed up and flew his two prop plane accidentally into a building. Even while I’m thinking this, Cindy guided me into the computer lab where we watched the screen come to life with the top of the first tower engulfed in billowing smoke; the sounds of reporters chattering the little that they knew over and over again.

The computer teacher, Judy, had 1st period off too, so Cindy and Judy began talking as I just stared at the screen. Within minutes, the three of us watched in horror as a second plane flew into the second tower. I fell to my knees. My stomach sunk as palpable terror hit me in the realization that it was on purpose. This was no accident. I don’t even remember what Judy or Cindy said, but I do remember calling and waking my new groom to tell him what was happening, and honestly, just to hear his voice. In that instant, I was scared. There was such unknown. Who was to say that a plane couldn’t crash into the top of my school next? Even in that computer lab, helplessly watching what was going to be a morning of horror across the world, I began to pray. For the people in the buildings, for the President, for myself and my family. I was desperately calling out to Jesus for comfort.

It all went by so fast, yet time stood still all at the same time. I know there were several more calls between my husband and me. I know I talked to my mom at some point. I can remember saying, “That tower doesn’t look right.” I was referring to the first tower; it was actually the second one to fall. I kept turning to Cindy and Judy to get confirmation that they agreed, but that tower looked like it was tilting to me. We were listening to a reporter from the Pentagon on the phone with the anchor of the channel we were watching when he paused in mid sentence, and said, “Hold on. We’ve felt a blast here. It seems there may have been a bomb here at the Pentagon.” Within seconds it was confirmed that it was yet another plane. America was under attack. We continued to watch with great sadness as the second tower collapsed and then the first. We heard of the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania, and knew that that too, was no accident. Images of people jumping out windows 70 stories up just to avoid the torment and suffocation going on in their offices from the flames and smoke have haunted me ever since.

Sometime before lunch we all made the decision to turn off the televisions to try to get some normalcy for the students, and for us for that matter. But “normal” in this country was no more. My husband and I attended a prayer meeting and heard some of the most desperate cries to our God. I knew He was with us in that room. Being together with our Lord was comforting. It’s been ten years now, and it’s still so vivid in my head, that it was shocking that all of my sixth grade students this year, who were two at the time, have no recollection of that day. It was a defining day in a sense. I now am very aware of what is going on in the world. I now don’t take my freedom to worship Jesus lightly. I now squeeze the ones I love a little harder when I leave them. I know our time is short. What happens ahead is unpredictable. I will live each day like it is my last, and I will remember 9/11.

Out of These Ashes Beauty Will Rise

Posted on by kellybroaddus

I recently went to Colorado for a friend’s wedding and stayed near Columbine High School where the tragic school shootings occurred in April 1999 leaving 12 students and 1 teacher dead. There is a beautiful memorial dedicated to those lives lost and the ones injured and traumatized by the event. At the top of the lookout you can see the high school and the library where 3 of the students lost their lives. Surrounding the entire area are gorgeous sights. Majestic mountains and sparkling lakes remind us that out of tragedy, God can create hope. “Out of these ashes beauty will rise,” are words from a song by Steven Curtis Chapman that are based in the scripture from Isaiah 61 inspired by his own tragedy of losing his little girl in a tragic accident. Those words kept ringing in my head as I saw a place of such pain and tragedy surrounded by such majestic beauty. Even around the grounds of the high school campus, life was going on. Students were enjoying practices for tennis, football, cheerleading, and they were happy. The darkness may last for a moment, but joy comes in the morning.

It may be the darkest of nights now, but the morning is coming. We are told, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” This verse from John 16:33 reminds me that I am not alone in my struggles. Jesus overcame the world after enduring unimaginable suffering. If He is with me, I can face anything, and He can use anything for His glory. This allows beauty to rise out of ashes.

Refined

Posted on by kellybroaddus

The past year has been a difficult, painful one. There were many reasons making it such a hard year. What made everything most difficult was that these hard things were all ones I couldn’t control. My job was demanding, my husband’s job was unpredictable, my kids were at needy ages, our church was struggling, and that’s just the beginning. We all have moments in our lives that cause us to feel disconnected from others and from God, and this had been my worst year for feeling that way. I was lonely, unhappy, and often angry, not to mention that I was so busy that I was sleep deprived. I recognized that I was depressed. It was hard to admit. I am an independent, self-reliant person. I can always pull through. I can always see something in a positive light, but this time I just couldn’t do it. The worst part was also discovering that I had no hope.

Being a teacher, my years go with the school calendar. I had determined just to “make it” until the summer. It seemed that everything would be better then. I wouldn’t deal with the stresses of my job and could focus on my children, my husband, and myself. But as June got underway, the realization that all of the things that had tagged the past year as “the worst year” were not going away, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was starting another school year with things being the same as the last year. I wasn’t going to survive another year like that. I was trapped.

Finally, I was given the gift of 3 whole days to myself. I committed to spend time in silence, in prayer, and reading scripture and books that I had been wanting to read. I wish I could say that it was all beautiful, joyous times with my Lord, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t all joyous because the Spirit began speaking truth into my life, and it was hard. I couldn’t change my situations or people around me, so the only thing left to change was me. As I read scripture and really looked at the life of Jesus, I could see that he was very clear about what we were commanded to do. Not suggestions, commands. I wasn’t doing the things that God had called me to do. I wasn’t being a good example at work, with my family, or with my friends. I had given in to complaining and blaming. No more. I needed to focus on what I was supposed to do and trust the Lord with all situations. I needed to be serving the poor, reaching out to those who need the love of Jesus, and modeling the joy of the Lord, even in difficult situations, to my kids.

I remembered a commercial from when I was a kid. It was a Marine commercial of a steel sword being made. It stuck in my mind so clearly, and I can see now what the Lord is doing in me still. When a metal worker is crafting something like a sword, he has to melt the metal in extreme heat in order to get any impurities out. Then he pours the molten metal into a mold to fit this liquid fire into the perfect form. Now at this point, you can see the comparison. We go through “extreme heat,” or hardships and trials, to remove impurities in our hearts. Then the pure metal is poured into the mold by the Maker. That’s enough to have hope in a situation that God is using really hard times to form and shape us into pure, strong images of Himself. I’ve even heard before that a silversmith knows he’s done when he can see his reflection in his work. How poignant. But, the thing is. It’s not done when pouring it into the mold.

The metal worker removes the glowing metal from the form and begins to beat it to make it strong. He hammers it into the exact right shape and contour to give the sword strength. If I’m honest, this is where I have felt the past year. I have gone through purifying moments. I have seen myself molded into His image. Now I am being hammered and am being strengthened. It hurts. Badly. But there is hope in the fact that I am being handled by my Maker who knows the outcome. He knows what He is doing. He knows the strength he is giving me. Above all, this is being done to bring glory to His name. This is the reason I live. I am being refined.

Why?

Posted on by kellybroaddus

Bottom line, I am a writer. I have a deep passion for teaching writing, reading, and I express myself best in writing. I am in love with words–the way a perfect arrangement of them can draw emotions out of a reader or create a beautiful mental image is mesmerizing. Specifically, though, I am called to write for women. Woman was uniquely created by God to serve His purposes in ways that man was not created to do. I believe women need to find their identity in Christ, which will lead them to their purposes in life. I pray that through this blog I can share my heart to lead others to follow Jesus. I invite you to join me on this journey of being Refined.